DRIVER TYPES IN THE UK

• FLAT CAP AND HIGH POWERED CAR - This is the guy fifty years old plus maybe retired, maybe redundant, who tries to relive his youth. He will be driving a fancy, fairly sporty car as if it was his first Morris Minor. He will pull out on you at junction as if he's leaving the start line at Le Mans, then accelerate up to thirty miles an hour.. GOSH! You can guarantee that there will have been nothing behind you and that you've just taken six months off your tyres, brakes, and life expectancy, and why must they wear those really NAFF white flat caps.
• CARAVANERS - Do I have to say any more? Yes, I might feel better. Why do caravaners delight in forcing other road users to travel at what ever speed they feel like? It dosn't take a lot to pull over every once in a while to let others by, but no, they have to drive down every country lane they can find that their caravan will barely fit down and inconvenience every one else. IGNORANT GITS. Can somone also tell me why, once they park up, circle the wagons, or whatever the hell else they do, they have to leave all those stupid spoilers and extended wing mirrors on for? Personally it just lets me know who to watch out for in the ignorance stakes.
• WHICH WAY DID HE GO??? - You must have met one, I'm up to three now, they come up to a junction and it's like the tilt on a pinball game, all intelligent thought ceases. What do they do? Go which ever way they feel like. I know it worries me when I go up a dual-carriageway and meet an invalid carriage going the other way in the same lane as myself and I'm accelerating away from a set of traffic lights round a right hand bend, or meet one coming round a roundabout!!! HEART IN MOUTH AND "GAME OVER" FLASHING UP EVERYWHERE
• SWEET SEVENTEEN AND JUST GOT THEIR LICENCE - Watch your insurance go up each year, or cuss and swear as they drive everywhere at thirty mph.
• BABY ON BOARD!!! - Two types; School run specials, and I've got the sign. The school runners think that everyone in the world should get out of their way as they run their little darling/s the half mile to school. Question: Why are the young getting fatter and unfitter? Answer.... Yup you've guessed it. The signers have that little "Baby On Board" sign in the back window, and believe that it makes them accident proof. This is due to their erroneous belief that everyone else gives a S*** about their little brat and will get out of their way. Wrong, Wrong, wrong. That sign is so that the emergency services know there is a child in the car when their parents have the accident they keep practicng for.
• THE OTHERS - This small group of the motoring population are the ones you never take notice of unless you belong in one of the groups above. They are; considerate, will not hold you up, will let you out, drive to the speed limit or as close as the road conditions will allow, don't hog the middle lane of the motorway, and don't barge their way to the front when the road narrows at roadworks.

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